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Going South: ANN'S BURGER SHACK: HOLY COW

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ANN'S BURGER SHACK: HOLY COW

Today, the words rattle onto the keyboard slowly, sluggishly -- our bellies full of meat. Our minds, full of bliss.

Three words: Ann's Burger Shack. If I was a cow, this is where I'd like to end up. Fifteen miles north of downtown Atlanta, ground up, fried by Anne and shoveled into a roadtripper's mouth. Either that, or somewhere in India, where I wouldn't be eaten at all, but instead worshiped as a holy representative of divinity on earth. This is the kind of deep stuff Going South is willing to tackle that other sports reporters would shy away from.



A look at the top rated burger in the U.S.A.



Numerous publications have dubbed Ann's fare the best burgers in America, and they are right. I think it's fair to estimate that, in my time on this planet, I've probably eaten close to a thousand burgers. And bar none, this is the best. If you get the chance to go - failure to do so, should be considered a venal sin - I highly suggest ordering the chili cheeseburger with slaw. I ate it three hours ago, and am just now beginning to feel my faculties returning.

What Ann is most famous for is her world-renowned Ghetto Burger. Which is: approximately one pound of ground beef, enough bacon to make the world's largest BLT, chili, cheese and slaw. This burger is not for the weak of mind, body and soul. It's been known to kill small children and the elderly. A quick poll of restaurant patrons revealed that nearly ninety percent of people believe that consuming a Ghetto Burger takes between three to five days off one's life. One hundred percent believe that the price to be worth it.



The incomparable Ms. Ann stalking her territory.


But here's the coup de grace - the transcendent quality of Ann's cuisine is not even the most appealing aspect of a visit to the Burger Shack. Of course, the main attraction is Ann herself. The owner and sole employee of her business for thirty-four years (with the exception of her baby brother who helps out behind the counter occasionally), Ann has built a reputation as being, well, the Burger Nazi.

Her diner seats ten people; if you come in while all the seats are occupied, she'll ask you to stand outside. If you come back in, she'll tell you that you've been banished for the day. If you talk back, she'll call the police, who as loyal patrons, are more than happy to oblige her. Make too many requests, you'll get the boot. Change your order, you're liable to get the boot. And don't be softened by her use of profanity. You swear, and you're out one burger.



It's always sunny at Ann's shack.


In all seriousness, there's a very good chance that this is the best restaurant in America. For ambiance and quality, there's nothing that competes. If you're in Atlanta, and you've got an hour and a half - the typical time from arrival to paying the check - Ann's Burger Shack is a must visit.

And the clock is ticking. Ann is planning on retiring as soon as she can sell the business and the property. "I know how much it's worth, and that's what I'm gonna get," she croons. "Hell, I'd be gone if someone said they'd buy it tomorrow. And that's no $#&!ing joke."

Comments

You add up all your mortal sins, multiply that number by 50, then you add up all your venial sins and multiply that by 25. You add them together, and that's your sentence. I figure i'm gonna have to do about 6,000 years before I get accepted into heaven. And 6,000 years is nothing in eternity terms. I could do that standing on my head. It's like a couple of days here.

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