PILLOWS AND ALARM CLOCKS
How's this? A five hour traffic jam in Birmingham, Alabama. Approximate speed - 0.4 miles per hour. You can check out photos at www.brutality.com.
Ah, the trials and tribulations of life on the road. When it's not dealing with the traffic jams, it's finding a place to do laundry. When it's not finding a place to do laundry, it's cleaning the car. When it's not cleaning the car, it's trying to overcome the temptation to sack and pillage the contents of the hotel room.
Wait a second...
Scrupulous morals: a dying breed.
For those of you who just don't feel like clicking on the link, the gist of the story is that twenty of Oxford's finest athletic specimens have been put on probation for stealing, amongst other things, pillows and alarm clocks from their hotel. As hardened road warriors, Going South would love to tell you that we understand the kind of overzealous filching perpetrated by the Ole Miss players. But, alas, this kind of novicetry is simply unforgivable. Unforgivable!
Now, I can understand that there might be some appeal in ganking some of the various amenities that these hotels offer. For instance, the Wax has been known to venture into the kitchen pantries of unsuspecting roadhouses and helping himself to the contents contained therewithin. I myself, have been known to indulge in the various lotions and shampoos that the hotel offers, and from time to time, will even pilfer a few from the housekeeping cart when nobody's looking.
Thus far, no one has been any the wiser. Well, aside from one middle-aged lady who took exception to Matt's helping himself to a bowl of cereal and engaged him in a ten minute philosophical battle royale over the nature of costumer relationships and what exactly a hotel guest is and is not entitled to, no one has been any the wiser. What has been the secret to our success? In a word: tact.
What is tact? Some call it a certain sensibility fors social graces. Others might call it an appreciation of manners. And still others might call it a respect for the fact that if something A) will be immediately missed, B) can be directly traced to you, and C) can be bought for ten dollars, you don't steal it.
I don't know. Call me crazy, but stealing an alarm clock is like stealing a flu shot - I guess they're both necessary, but that doesn't mean I'd particularly like them. Pillows, slightly more understandable, until you consider the fact that the number of possible greaseballs that may have spent a lonely/drunken/semi-erotic night with their head mashed up into those feathers. It's just too silly for words, to be honest.
Live and learn. That's the name of the game. Apparently all of these Ole Miss kids were stand-up guys, with no previous records of misbehavior. So if this is the worst they do, and they learn from it, then more power to them. A wise man once said, "A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
On a completely unrelated note, let me know if you want some new towels, a sightly new comforter, a mini-microwave or a King James Bible. Prices are negotiable.
Next stop: Toomer's corner.